Sometimes I think to myself: “I’m not having any fun!” I’m tired, stressed, wanting a cocktail at 9 in the morning. Parenting is exhausting.
After having Chase, we got into a groove around 18 months and I felt normal again. Chase slept like a champ, was really funny, and things were good. Andrew is at that stage and I still feel like I have been run over by a truck on most days.
With two it is almost impossible to feel normal at any given time. If one sleeps through the night, the other doesn’t. Andrew is on what seems like a never-ending cycle of teething. I have to remind myself that we are in a strange transition time though. We sold our house, we moved out and are living with my in-laws. On the surface it is fine. We have plenty of room, my in-laws love having the boys around (at least I think they do) and it is only a temporary situation. But I think subconsciously, it is wearing on us.
I AM on the backside of 30 and that could explain the length of time it is taking to shake off the weight and fatigue. There are days when I feel so guilty for thinking to myself: “THIS SUCKS!!! I want to work and feel productive! I don’t want to wipe another butt! I want to watch a “Flipping Out” marathon while drinking bloody marys!” Last night, while in bed listening to Chase breathe through his mouth, I was reading an Issue of The Week, a fabulous publication that really does a good job of pulling a wide range of articles on the issues of the day, I was reading the article: “The Last Word.” It is an excerpt from either a longer article or a book. This week’s “The Last Word” was an excerpt from the book: “All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood.” It talked about the realities of parenthood. The following passage hit home:
“One day you are a paragon of self-determination, coming and going as you please; the next, you are a parent, laden with gear and unhooked from the rhythms of normal adult life. It’s not an accident that the early years of parenting often register in studies as the least happy ones.”
FINALLY, someone said it! Other people are unhappy too!
I love my kids. I love my husband and our family. We really do have a great dynamic. Both boys are healthy, full of spunk and love. I feel ok now admitting that sometimes I feel like I want to run away. I would never do it, but there ARE other people who feel the same way.
We’ll get though the next year or two, hopefully, unscathed. I asked my mom at one point how she and my dad did it with three little kids and her reply was: “With Lisa (our nanny) and lots of alcohol.” Thank goodness I’m not alone.