Standing on the Edge

Oh snap!  This just got real!

Oh snap! This just got real!

Standing on the Edge

 

As I sit on at a table outside of the James E. Rogers College of Law, I am excited and completely terrified.  I’m not a law student yet, but I plan to be in the Fall of 2016. 

Chase will be 6 and Andrew will turn 4 as I enter a 3 year journey.  But first, I have to get there.  I have to prepare for and take the LSAT.

I have to obtain letters of recommendation.

I have to update my resume.

I have to write a personal statement.

I have to mull over all of the logistical issues that our family will face.

I have to…

I have to…

I have to…

 

Why didn’t I do this 10 years ago?

 

I’m excited because this is a new chapter for me personally.

 

But, I’m terrified about a lot of things.  I’m terrified that my parenting will suffer.  It will take a lot of sacrifice to make all of this happen.  Plus, it is a huge investment.

 

I’m so thankful that Ryan is supportive.  He knows that I want to work and be productive.  He knows that I want do things outside of being a parent.

 

I gave up my professional life to be a SAHM.  I did it willingly.  But what if my absence from certain parts of their lives ends in Chase and Andrew being juvenile delinquents?  Will it be my fault because I took on such a selfish endeavor?

 

I hope that one day the boys will be proud of me.

 

Last May at my 20 year high school reunion, I blurted out in front of many of my classmates that I was going to go to law school.  Ryan and I had talked about it but I hadn’t told anyone.  Once I said it, I thought to myself: “Why did I just say that?”  It was still a couple of years away, what if I change my mind and I want to start knitting and sell knitted running shorts? I’m now locked in because what would I say to these people in 5 years after I skipped out on my lofty goal and my knitting career ended after a nasty knitting needle accident?

 

I don’t like to fail.  I don’t like making bad decisions. 

 

Is this the right thing for me?

 

The answer is yes.  Realistically, I wouldn’t be able to find a job being 6 years out of the workforce and in a city where I’m just getting to know people.  I have to make the investment to start a new career and to contribute to the family.  I want my boys to have a strong female role model.  They have a good male role model in Ryan.

 

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something great and something disasterous.  I am normally a risk averse person.  But I think this risk will reap extraordinary rewards.  I signed up for the LSAT prep course.  That’s the first step in a journey that will last until May of 2019, but it will change my life forever.

Siggy-Q

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Comments

  1. LOVE THIS!!!!!!! YOU ARE TOO BRILLIANT NOT TO HELP THE WORLD!!!!!!!! BEST DECISION EVER>>>> even if you change your mind ten times along the way….

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