What if?


He found the perfect pair!

What if? is a question that comes to mind frequently when you’re a parent.  There are so many questions you have as you’re raising these creatures from infancy into adulthood.  It all starts with: What if he doesn’t latch? What if he doesn’t poop? What if he doesn’t sleep? What if he’s on the spectrum? What if he doesn’t walk? What if he doesn’t talk? It then moves on to: What if he doesn’t eat vegetables? What if he doesn’t get potty trained?

The “what if?” question at hand for me right now stems from the fact that Andrew picked pink and silver sparkly sketchers with a big pink bow on them.  A family member asked me: What if he’s gay?

I took the boys to buy new shoes and while Chase went directly to the boys’ section, Andrew made a bee-line to the girls’ section.  He pulled down a pair of pink and silver light up shoes called “Twinkle Toes.”  I let him try them on.  What’s the harm right?  He’s 3.  Besides, real men wear pink!

While I was helping Chase with his shoes, Andrew was over the moon happy about his new shoes.  They were the only ones he tried on.  Two little girls and their mother passed the aisle we were in and they all started giggling.  Andrew held out his foot with pride.  I heard the younger little girl say: “But mom, he’s a boy!”

I sent a picture of both boys in their new shoes to Ryan and he said his first reaction was: “No!” but then he said he thought to himself: “I’m not wearing the shoes.  And, if anyone makes fun of him he can take care of himself!”  I’m not surprised that Ryan is ok with it.  And yes, Andrew has no problem defending himself if anyone makes fun of him.

During our California trip, there were several looks of horror and comments like: “Good luck with that!”  But most of the people who saw him were supportive.  They thought it was a good thing that he picked what he wanted and that we “allowed” that.  Of course we would.  I’m not wearing the shoes, Andrew is.  Plus, I’m not in the mood to fight about putting on shoes.  I was not about to buy Andrew a pair of shoes that I would have to force onto his feet each day.

But, what if he’s gay? Or, transgender? Or Pansexual? Or…Or…Or?


Each time I paint my nails, Andrew wants to join in too.

Well, what if he is?  He’ll still be my son.  He’ll still be a human being in need of love and affirmation.  I will love him no matter what biology has made him.  Andrew is part of Ryan and me.  He is our sweet (most of the time) little child who likes sparkly shoes.  Oh, and he also likes to paint his nails.

Get over it.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


  1. Amy Thomas says:

    Hi Quin! I think the pink for girls and blue for boys is truly an American concept.
    As one who was raised in India,I can vouch that boys and grown men wear all shades of colors.
    Just look at the Indian wedding outfits,they come in pink/red and all are embroidered in silver or gold,with fancy shoes to match.
    I think little Chase has great taste.

    • Thanks Amy! I think you’re right! Plus, American culture still has some antiquated ideas of how men “should” act. Thanks for your thoughts!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: